Saturday, August 30, 2008

Moving on...

Why can't I really let go?

Why is it that everytime Im giving him up, Im hoping, on the back of my mind thinking, that he won't give up on me?

But then everything, may hangganan... no matter how much you're willing to love and understand a person, matatapos at matatapos din pala... sometimes ganun nga siguro. Pag ikaw na lang lagi ang umiintindi, nakakapagod din... but then still you'll think... hopefully... crap. There again, that word i'm starting to hate now. Hope. I keep hoping, that tomorrow it will be a brand new day for US. That we'll be able to meet half-way and settle our differences. But It was only me willing to compromise. How in the hell is that gonna work for us then? Now I can say we're hopeless...

But.. still I HOPE. Because I FEEL...

Why is it that I hope a lot when maybe this relationship has been doomed from the very beginning.

But then with just one phone call, everything changed.

With just one line... "inaantok nako..."

Don't get me wrong. I don't mind, but this is not the firsttime he told me that... I was so hurt that again he was being so unmindful of my feelings. We still had issues, and yet nagpapahiwatig na siya na gusto na niya tapusin ang paguusap namin just because inaantok na siya..? I've NEVER experience this before. Never. So uncaring. And UNINTERESTED>----Something hit me so hard. Enlightening. REalization. I finally had the courage to accept to myself that "WE" are REALLY hopeless. ANY person who will be in his situation, who will feel uninterested of our topic is so welcome to get out of my life. For all I care.

HE MADE ME GIVE UP. It's high time to really LET IT GO. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I wonder why. Oh yeah I think I know why. Because I was quite prepared for it. I had a feeling this will happen... because what i was doing was just delaying the inevitable.

I have to admit. This time I was Angry. And there was no room for understanding in my heart during that time. I was Mad and that is all I know. Most of all I was Hurt. That line "Inaantok nako" says it all. It says "we're over".

Just two days ago I have considered giving him another chance... but then later that night instead of making up, I finally gave up...Finally. Ganun pala yun. May mga tao lang siguro talagang madaling mahalin na mahirap mahalin... Siya yun. Kasi hindi siya marunong magalaga sa love na binibigay mo sa kanya... Sayang.

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