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i miss you..

undefinable...

sept8.2008
9.30pm


maybe they're about 42,000 feet above the ground now like what the pilot would always announce in the middle of the flight.. Oh gosh i miss him already...


those of you who might be reading my post might get confused as to what really our relationship is like, it's really magulo. but from the last talk that we had, oh well it wasn't really a "serious" talk about us but we still talked anyway.. i gathered that maybe i just misinterpreted his actions. maybe he was just different from most people. maybe... maybe... and again there is HOPE.

We talked on the phone before he left... We never got the chance na magkita kanina kaya nagusap na lang kami sa phone.. I went to manila because I had to give him something, he said "me pinapapirmahan lang sa amin. Intayin mo ako pls." I was there 1.30. His was told his flight was 3pm. I waited. 2pm. Waited Still. 2.30. Waited still. I knew he wasn't coming but I waited still... 2.45 when I decided to leave. I can still remember how the jollibee guy looked at me. I don't know what he was thinking. But i noticed he was always smiling at me. Maybe he saw me making too many attempts to call on my phone but would end up slamming my clam phone together. Maybe he knew no one was answering on the other end.And again for too many times, he was looking and smiling at me. Somehow I felt relieved. I didn't know him. But his gesture calmed me. It was like as if he was telling me "don't worry he is coming".

at 2.45 pm I went to the nearby goldilocks to buy "sago't gulaman" ... then i noticed there is a missed call on my phone. THere it said "BAD HABIT". My jayson... I called him back...Immediately after he answered the phone he said sorry and parang mauubusan ng oras he said "mahal na mahal kita" ng paulit ulit.

We talked pretty long. If only we can stay on the phone forever. If only he won't have to leave... But then, I knew he needs that. For himself. For his family.And hopefully for us. :)

I cried on the phone. Sheesh. Can't help it kasi I thougt he'll leave without talking to me. And my heart sunk when he told me "sorry kung ninakawan kita ng halik nun huwebes a. Gustong gusto nga kita yakapin e". Then I asked him "bakit di mo ginawa?" Then he said "sabi mo kasi "hindi na tayo..." Sana pala ginawa niya..KAsi gustong gusto ko rin siya i-hug ngayon..

Then he also said na mag-ingat ako lagi. He said "thank you" too many times. He said he won't forget me. He said na sana itext ko parin at tawagan paminsan minsan parents at mga kapatid niya sa baguio..para kahit pano di mawalan communication namin.. THEn sabi niya ibinilin din daw niya na lagi din daw nila ako itext kasi siya baka mahirapan siya minsan i-contact ako kasi minsan buwan ang binibilang ng hindi nag da-dock yung barko... He said babalik siya...

Then I spoke with his Uncle Cayetano. Tito Cayetano said they'll be gone for 3 yrs. he asked me If I can wait for Jayson... I said "YES".

I said YES. Kahit officially hindi naman kami that time... Pero parang again hindi naman kami nagbreak kasi paulit ulit niyang sinabi kanina "mahal na mahal kita"...***sigh***

mahal ko rin siya...

His uncle's question seems to have paved the way for Me and Jayson to get back together..

Yes kami na ulit.

Right after I spoke with his uncle I told Jayson that I'm willing to give it another shot. I wanna give it another shot Because I love him. I asked Jayson what he would have to say about it. He said he never even considered breaking up with me in the first place. Hindi pa siya give up. Kaya daw pag nakikipag break ako, hindi siya nag re-react... I'm glad.

That is so him. You break-up with him, then the next time you talk it will be as if kayo pa rin...siya, na nag sasabi sayo ng plans niya three years later... Siya, na manghihingi ng kiss sa phone. Siya, na mag A-ilove you... Hay. I miss him already.

Hanggang sa makasakay ako ng bus magkausap kami. He was even planning for the future... Na mag iipon kami pareho... At pagbalik niya, bibili siya ng Kotse at pupuntahan niya ako at pupunta kami sa kanila sa Baguio.

Sabi ko sa kanya baka magpunta ulit ako ng singapore... next year. At baka dun ako mag work... He even told me na dun na kami magpakasal... this is not the first time he told me that.. una nag kwento nito sa akin MAMA niya.
Tinanong daw kasi nun pinsan nila na si CHAYA si Jayson kung ano pangarap niya.. Then sumagot daw si Jayson, seryoso yung pagkakasagot. Ang Sabi daw ni Jayson pangarap niya na magkalupa at sasakyan tapos mag-aasawa na siya. Then nagtanong Daw si CHAYA kung kanino naman siya magpapakasal the sabi daw ni Jayson "Kanino pa, e di kay Pia".

Kausap ko ang mama ni Jayson sa Phone nun kinukwento niya yun. It seems that she was happy naman with Jayson's answer. She even said na nun kinuwento daw sa kanya yun ni Chaya ang nasabi daw niya e "ay naku talaga ba? ay naku sige ipag pray natin na sana magtuloy tuloy na..."

Before I left for Singapore dati, bago kami magboard kausap ko rin si Jayson sa phone na mejo pahapyaw niyang sinabi sa akin na pagbalik niya after three years...

Dati magkausap kami nabanggit din niya na magpakasal kami...May mga iba pang instances before na binabanggit niya. Minsan dinadaan sa biro...

At kanina inulit na naman niya sabihin sa akin. Sabi ko OO. :)

He has plans. Im happy na kasama ako...:) And i don't care whether he meant it that time or not. Ang importante sa akin ng mga panahon na yun, masarap at masaya ang pakiramdam ko... tsaka ko na lnag iisipin yung bukas...

It's too early to talk about marriage.Maraming pwedeng mangyari... I know. But at this point, you can only dream about it. And hope that it materializes....

I know it's too early to plan for the future. But that's what people in love do. Diba? It's not as if im raising my hopes too high. Im just happy with how our conversation went kanina.. Still we don't know what's in store in the future.. maaaring nasabi lang niya yun kanina because kanina ramdam na ramdam niya na mahal niya ako at maaaring pag matagal niya ako di nakita magfade na lang yung love na yun... pero diba, there is always a possibility na mahal talaga niya ako at mapanatili niya yung kung ano man feelings meron siya para sa akin? That's why Im giving it a shot. For the last time.

Somehow deep inside i feel that we have created a very special connection to each other. Even if until now di ko pa rin alam plan ni lord para sa amin. Pero dati naisip ko na, na, ito yung binigay na chance ni lord sa amin ni Jayson. It's up to us how we're going to work our way around it. kung papabayan namin, then it's our fault. Kung nagpabaya kami, then maybe we're not meant for each other kasi sinayang namin yung chance na binigay sa amin.. that's why hanggang ngayon...im fighting for it. Kasi ayokong dumating yung time na magsisi ako kasi di ko binigay lahat.


Im sad kasi kahit naman siguro sino na naiwan nakakaramdam ng lungkot e. Ako pa kaya na ganto ang posisyon sa buhay niya... Pero masaya rin ako for him kasi alam ko, this job will be an instrument for his dreams to be realized.

NAtatandaan ko the first time na makausap ko si MAMA ni Jayson. Kasi tatawag daw sila sa akin kasi gusto ako makausap.. this is one thing that I like about our realtionship kasi kahit di pa kami nagkikita ng pamilya niya, they seem to really like me. And yes I really like them too. :)

Naaalala ko my conversation with his MAMA. Kasi sabi sa akin ng mama niya, si Jayson daw talaga yung "sakit" nila sa ulo. Oh well, that I can see. Si jayson kasi yung typical na lalaki na carefree. Very free spirited. Oh well atleast that's how I see him e. Then sabi niya sa akin na sana ako na lang daw sana yung mag pasensiya kay Jayson. Na sana pagkatiwalaan ko na lang daw siya (jayson), at maniwala ako sa sinasabi niya... SAbi ko OPO. Then I also told her na "BILIB" ako kay Jayson.

Kanina before we said goodbye I don't know buthe asked me what did i like about him... I said "wala". I was a bit embarrased to answer him s so instead I just said "di ko nga alam e. E ikaw, anu nagustuhan mo sa akin?" The he said O sige ako na lang, ako na lang..." "Gusto ko sayo...chubby (sabay tawa), maganda, mabait..."

I knew the answer to his question. Pero kanina di ko masabi, siguro kasi parang ang onti ng oras namin, tapos pareho pa namin alam na malapit ng ma-empty yung battery ng phone niya.. infact kanina nung naputol yung call, nakitext siya dun sa katabi niya para sabihin sa akin kung bakit nadisconnect... First time. Kahit sa kapatid niya parang labag ang loob niya na makitext. It somehow goes to show na siya siguro yung tipo na ayaw ng nakakaabala sa kapwa niya hanggat maari... pero kanina, nakitext siya dun sa katabi niya sa upuan... Sobrang naapreciate ko yun...

Going back to his question... Ofcourse alam na alam ko yung sagot ko dun...

For some reason I feel that "I can see through him".

Despite his being pasaway, I can see the gentleness. I can see the goodness. I can see someone who is passionate. Someone who is driven. Someone who is sweet. Someone who is a dreamer. Someone who is full of potential. Someone who is loving. Someone who is funny. Someone who is a child. Someone who can make something of himself someday...

For some reason naniniwala talaga ako sa kakayanan niya... Naniniwala ako na if given the chance kaya niyang gawin at tuparin lahat ng pangarap niya sa buhay...

I believe in HIM.

SAna someday makita ko pag naging successful na siya.. Kasi pag andun pako nun ibig sabihin kami pa rin. :)

Sana nga...

My Boo

I really can't stay mad at him. Just the other day I went out to see him. We talked as if nothing happened. Well, parang ala naman talaga nangyari e. :) I learned on that day that he wasn't really giving up like what I thought.. Oo nga naman sinabi nga naman niya sa text "basta ako nandito lang lagi para sayo".. yun pala ibig sabihin nun. Funny but a day after we saw each other I feel weird again like I want to get back together with him. If I'll be honest with myself, that is the truth. Drat. Here I go again, the Hope thing. Damn.

He even told me that "3 years..."

He meant that after three years he want me and him...

Eto na naman siya.. acting as if I didn't break up with him... if only I can turn back on my words again.. kung pwede sana mag pretend din ako na hindi naki pagbreak... coz, damn i wanna give it another shot.

And ganda sana sa pakiramdam. Na merong taong gusto kang makasama kahit hindi pa niya alam kung ano ang mangyayari bukas.. Ang sarap pakingggan na merong taong inaanticipate ang "three years later" na kasama ka... Pero pero pero, BUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE DAYS INBETWEEN NOW AND THREE YEARS LATER? How can I see the future if we can't even fix our relationship now... Hindi naman pwedeng blangko yung relationship namin tapos to be continued na lang after three years.. know what i'm saying? Kung ngayon na andito lang kami pareho sa Pilipinas hindi constant yung commnunication namin, anu pa kaya pag umalis na siya... and I really can't carry on like that. I want somethin REAL. CONSISTENT. CONSTANT. COMMITMENT. Im not getting any younger and I can't put my life on hold to something that is not there... I don't mind waiting. I can wait. But I can only wait for someone who is in love with me...

Gusto kong malibang

I got myself a new gadget. Hehe. I bought IPOD classic 80g kahapon. Bigla ko lang naisip nun mapadaan ako sa electroworld... hay. :)

Moving on...

Why can't I really let go?

Why is it that everytime Im giving him up, Im hoping, on the back of my mind thinking, that he won't give up on me?

But then everything, may hangganan... no matter how much you're willing to love and understand a person, matatapos at matatapos din pala... sometimes ganun nga siguro. Pag ikaw na lang lagi ang umiintindi, nakakapagod din... but then still you'll think... hopefully... crap. There again, that word i'm starting to hate now. Hope. I keep hoping, that tomorrow it will be a brand new day for US. That we'll be able to meet half-way and settle our differences. But It was only me willing to compromise. How in the hell is that gonna work for us then? Now I can say we're hopeless...

But.. still I HOPE. Because I FEEL...

Why is it that I hope a lot when maybe this relationship has been doomed from the very beginning.

But then with just one phone call, everything changed.

With just one line... "inaantok nako..."

Don't get me wrong. I don't mind, but this is not the firsttime he told me that... I was so hurt that again he was being so unmindful of my feelings. We still had issues, and yet nagpapahiwatig na siya na gusto na niya tapusin ang paguusap namin just because inaantok na siya..? I've NEVER experience this before. Never. So uncaring. And UNINTERESTED>----Something hit me so hard. Enlightening. REalization. I finally had the courage to accept to myself that "WE" are REALLY hopeless. ANY person who will be in his situation, who will feel uninterested of our topic is so welcome to get out of my life. For all I care.


HE MADE ME GIVE UP. It's high time to really LET IT GO. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I wonder why. Oh yeah I think I know why. Because I was quite prepared for it. I had a feeling this will happen... because what i was doing was just delaying the inevitable.

I have to admit. This time I was Angry. And there was no room for understanding in my heart during that time. I was Mad and that is all I know. Most of all I was Hurt. That line "Inaantok nako" says it all. It says "we're over".

Just two days ago I have considered giving him another chance... but then later that night instead of making up, I finally gave up...Finally. Ganun pala yun. May mga tao lang siguro talagang madaling mahalin na mahirap mahalin... Siya yun. Kasi hindi siya marunong magalaga sa love na binibigay mo sa kanya... Sayang.

...Can't find the right words...

“I Only Want to be with You”
Vonda Shephard


I don't know what it is that makes me love you so
I only know I never want to let you go
'Cause you started something, can't you see
That ever since we met you've had a hold on me

It happens to be true
I only want to be with you

It doesn't matter where you go or what you do
I wanna spend each moment of the day with you
Look what has happened with just one kiss
I never knew that I could be in love like this

It's crazy but it's true
I only want to be with you

You stopped and smiled at me, asked me if I'd care to dance
I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance

Now listen honey, I just wanna be beside you everywhere
As long as we're together honey I don't care
'Cause you started something, can't you see
That ever since we've met you've had a hold on me

No matter what you do
I only want to be with you

You stopped and smiled at me, asked me if I'd care to dance
I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance
Now listen honey, I just want to be beside you everywhere
As long as we're together honey I don't care

'Cause you started something can't you see
That ever since we met you've had a hold on me

No matter what you do
I only want to be with you
No matter what you do
I only want to be with you

BACK TO YOU (John Mayer)

Back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
over you
something about you
It's just the way you move
the way you move me

I'm so good at forgetting
and I quit every game I've played
but forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away

Back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
with your silhouette

Should have smiled in that picture
if it's the last that I'll see of you
it's the least that you could not do

Oh I will
leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
leave the light on
for me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
back to me
doesn't it scare you
your will is not as strong
as it used to be

Additional Lyrics:
...doesn't it scare you, doesn't it piss you off...

I'm weaker than you know

I'm swimming in a sea of faces
trying to find my way to you
but it's no use, in a crowded room
where everybody wants you

It's confirmed. I've gone crazy.

I Feel So Unhappy ....

For Jayson

I just got back from our trip to KL and Singapore, and during the time I was there, I really didn't think much about me and Jayson, but I still think of him every single day most specially before I got to sleep. WE definitely had issues we need to fix, and as long as it's not fixed then I won't be happy... Since he's unable to change (Oh don't get wrong, but maybe he's really not yet ready to be in a relationship), I felt I really have to end it already... you might be thinking what happened in between now and my last post. Well I couldn't say we got back together but it was more like, he didn't know that we've broken up already or that he was just pretending he didn't know... the reason why I allowed us to get back together was because of the "sign" that I asked from the lord whether to continue our relationship or not.. the sign came two days after I ended "it"... And so we got back together only for me to end it again while I was in Singapore. And God knows, I wasn't happy with my decision...

When I met Jayson, he meant to leave for work... Leave as in for another country... even before I left for Singapore our communication is very erratic. And when I left for Singapore, I had a taste of what it would be like when he leaves for work... And I cannot accept that. Maybe that's just how he handles a relationship, but I beg to differ... and that's where our problem comes in. Before kasi tanggap ko na ganun lang siguro talaga SA NGAYON. For the mean time. Pero habang tumatagal, wala pa ring improvement.. We don't really see each other since he lives in Baguio so I feel that we have to make bawi sa communication man lang, so kung rare yung communication I feel that we should not be more than friends... And sometimes pag naiinis kasi ako, naiisip ko lagi na " I won't have it any other way If I can't have it my way" pero at the end of the day, when you really love someone, you'll try your best to understand them ... accept it as it is... mag tiis. Ganun.

But my leaving for Singapore has helped me finalized my decision. We went to KL first and stayed two days, on the third day we went to Singapore. On the fourth day and still no sign from him I finally "ended it". I thought, If a person really loves you, he should be concerned whether you landed safely or not, oh well ofcourse he knew I was safe because I TOLD HIM, but it's still different if HE is exerting extra effort to make you feel that he is thinking and cares about you, right? I knew he was mad at me for breaking up with him, he told me that Iba-iba ang tao... He told me na mahal daw niya ako and that iba-iba lang talaga and characters ng mga tao. I AGREE. But I don't deserve that kind of treatment. AND if he can't give me what I need, I'm gonna let him go, and he can find someone else who can make do with the way he's handling relationship. My hopes were high before na kahit marami kaming issues, makakaya namin yung isolve. Pero I cannot do it alone. And all the more that it won't be solved if he's not taking any steps to solve it.


...But still I hope. And Im not closing my doors. Im open to any possibilities. In the future... who knows... but that will only happen if he knows how to treat a girlfriend right. Somehow I can understand him. Naiintindihan ko na ngayon what's going on. Before issue na rin ito but when I told him about what I feel regarding his feelings for me, he said that It was wrong for me to just judge him like that. For a while I was taken aback for a very "matured" statement he just said. Maybe he was right. I was wrong. And maybe I am wrong for measuring his love for me just like that. Maybe I am wrong. But I won't have it any other way if I can't have it my way. And I mean it this time. Sobra sobra na ba yung hinihingi ko?? Di ba hindi naman?? and I know it's something that should NOT be asked. Kasi between a couple it should be given voluntarily.. at pag hiningi just because hindi binibigay ng kusa then there is something wrong with the relationship. That's why I decided that we end it. I could have given him more time. I could have understand him more. Pero I had a feeling that I was trying to push things more harder. At pag pinilit ko pa e hindi naman pala para saken, baka magkasira lang talaga kami at the end. So I felt mas mabuti pa na maghiwalay kami while I still love him kasi kaya ko pa siya intindihin, and that's what I've been doing ever since... Ayokong dumating sa point na magalit ako... Kasi when I get mad, it's gonna be bad for the two of us.

There was one point, I was hoping na hindi siya papayag sa break-up...

...but then, he just gave up too, so maybe hanggang dito na lang talaga kami...

Is it Over Now?

I am a walking contradiction talaga sa maraming bagay, pero hindi pagdating sa decision making... ngayun lang. Just the other night I was so hellbent on putting the "thing" to a halt, pero the next day iba na decision ko, siguro kasi nakapag isip isip nako nun umaga na tsaka marami na akong nakausap na tao, nahingan ng advice.. then narealize ko sige tama sila... onti pa... then that freaking text message the morning probably drove him away! And I don't know what he's thinking. IF only...

Mabuti na lang andyan si Lindsey (his sister), somehow natutulungan niya ako how to understand him, pero I cant txt her now kasi nag rereview siya for board exam.. Maybe he gave up already... Ang lungkot pala. Malungkot na malungkot. HIndi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Ako kasi sobrang maprinsipyo akong tao. Pamantayan ko lagi "SAy what you mean, Mean what you SAy". that's why until the last time we "talked" i never got the chance to tell him that I...Him. YUn. Hay. Kasi sobrang inintay ko yun time na ramdam na ramdam ko siya. Yung tipong ako mismo kumbinsido ako na, a tototo nga, nararamdaman ko na siya... Until this week came. Its been a week na na wala kami communication, siguro totoo nga rin yung sinabi ng iba na you'll only realize the worth of a person in your life until they are gone... and now he's gone... Ay ang lungkot talaga. AND i wanna tell him that I...him. Pero wala naman siya? Kanino ko sasabihin yun?!?! Its true pala, its hard to say I Love you when you really mean it. Totoo Pala. I kept denying kasi... At minsan nagyayari na lang pala yun without reason, Si ako kasi gusto lagi me explanation ang lahat lahat e. There are just somethings lang pala talaga that you can't explain. Na you just know its happening for a reason, kung ano man yung reason na yun, Si GOD na lang nakakaalam...

A few weeks back my friend Alice kept asking me "SINO si JAYSON?" Buti na lang panggabi ako kaya hindi nila ako masyado na iinterrogate.. although merong di nakakaalam, marami rin naman akong sinabihan sa mga kaibigan ko. Kumalat lang sa buong Team namin yun everyday name na "JAYSON" dahil one day, yung papel na sinusulatan namin ng mga confirmation numbers nasulatan ko pala ng name na "JAYSON" sa likod, nakita ng Team Manager ko at ibinalita sa lahat ng ka Team ko, kaya kinabukasan ako ang topic nila sa meeting. AT ang akala nilang JAYSON ay yung lalaking nakatabi ko sa Bus na ibinayad ako ng pamasahe from Buendia to Binan kasi tulog ako nun maningil yun conductor... hindi na niya yata ako pinagising e.. pero siyempre nagising ako before sa amin, at siyempre nalaman ko na di pa ako bayad kaya pinilit ko ibalik yun ibinayad niya, tapos never nako lumingon dun sa side niya. Kesyo mag ka stiffneck ako sa pag tingin sa kaliwa Keri lang. Hiyang Hiya kasi ako. Masyado ako nag enjoy sa pagtulog. Hanggang ngayon issue yung iba daw yung itsura ko ngayon, at yung ngiti ko. E wala naman nabago saken e. Hanggang ngayon tinatanong pa rin nila ako... kaya nilagay ko ang URL nitong blog ko sa friendster e para masagot yung tanong nila kung sino si JAYSON.

I miss my friend me-anne. She was the one who enlightened me to give it a shot e, but now that things are not going well, I don't wanna let her know kasi I know iisipin din ako nun kahit papaano, e sobrang delicate yung pregnancy niya.. Hay buti pa siya magkaka baby na...

Natatandaan ko nagtext si Me-anne saken one night, sabi niya "wag mong
kakalimutan na ang tracker sulatan ng confirmations mo, hindi ng pangalan ng
taong laman lagi ng isip mo". Hehe. Narealized ko, may point siya dun.

But now he's gone e. And i don't know what made him give up... Sayang, ni hindi ko man langnasabi sa kanya... SIguro this is for the best na rin, kasi siguro fate na yung nag decide for us. Although, ayoko ng decision ni fate wala naman ako magagawa e. I miss him. Im trying to take this all in very lightly... masyado na akong naapektohan e. ayoko nang mas maging miserable pa.

Half-hearted

I just got back from watching the premier night of "A very special love" hehe, twas super. Luvet! I was halfway out there you know, if only the movie wasn't that good maybe I wouldnt have watched it at all, because half of my mind was occupied. I don't know... on my way back to the office I just came up with a decision, I was riding the elevator and my knees were trembling because of that. I didn't want that decision, but I have to. We, girls, sometimes falling in love shocks the hell out of us. And the freaked-out me chose to ran away. Oh well, guess its not meant to be. I was braver before. But as soon as I have admitted to myself that maybe I am inlurv-- oooopss! I don't even wanna say it. Admitting it would weaken me, I know.

This decision makes me sad. I never wanted this. I didn't want it to end. But sometimes we're left with no choice if we want to save atleast what's left of us. If ony he was a bit older... siguro mas magkakaintindihan kami... bakit ba laging issue ang age? diba dapat hindi naman? Pero kasi yun ang problema e. Siguro kasi di pa siya ganun ka matured, so minsan di pa niya alam kung ano ipa-prioritize niya... this is not the right time for the two of us siguro. Not when Im 24 and he was just 19. This won;t be the right time for us kung hindi niya pipiliting mag adjust. I cannot do it alone.

I.CAN;T.SAY.IT...ATLEAST.NOT.YET

I probably won't get tired reading his messages. I feel something I never dared think about much more say out loud even to my friends, most specially to him who I know have been wanting to hear it from me since it all started. I feel it. I think about it. I think I know it... I just can't bring myself to say it....

I have to be certain.. I might be mistaken..

When you're happy and you know it CLap your Hands!

JULY 6, 2008. I have taken the road I was so trying to avoid before. I don't know what happened to me to make a decision in such a haste. Not that I didn't think hard enough about it, but it was something that my head didn't make but my heart. Sometimes I wonder what he's got that has made me so reckless of the possibilities of me getting hurt in the end. But, heck, Im giving it a shot, come what may...


It's been a roller coaster ride ever since..

He was the one who started everything... I was NOT even in love... I was merely the one who gave ourselves a chance... but why is it lately... I think the table has turned already..

Shall I now brace myself for the pain that is near?

It's hard. MOst of the time I want to give up on him. But I'm hanging on.. I believe in HIm despite his age...

PLS Don't disappoint me J. Remember we were friends first. And YOU were the one who got me into this... Be patient with me.. I want to make sure of myself.